For as long as I can remember I have been known as the hopeless romantic, the mediator and the one that puts others before herself. I have to be honest, this past year was tough. I saw some couples flourish and many diminish around me. Some hitting closer to home than others. When I could, I would step in and assist in any way I could (because that is what I do). I asked couples to evaluate three key points in their relationship: learn, love and, be loved.
1. LEARN
Evaluate the issue(s). What are some issues that are setting you both off. Leaving wet towels on the bed? Long hours at work? Not feeling appreciated? Not feeling wanted sexually? All of these points start a domino affect, and you likely won't realize this until it's too late. You partner wakes up, showers, feeling great and ready to take on the day. They leave their wet towel on the bed for a second so they can pick out what they want to wear. Your partner walks in a second too soon in and starts nagging that the wet towel is on the bed. You both leave for work without a kiss or hug goodbye. Both of you are pulling overtime hours at work, and both come home late. One partner needs time to decompress and turns on the TV, and sits in silence. The other starts making dinner alone, and just wants to talk about their day. There is no communication, and the feeling of not being appreciated kicks in. Both of you now exhausted from the day, you fall right into bed without any sort of affection. If this routine is created day after day, it's not long before your relationship begins to diminish. Learn to nip the issue(s) in the bud sooner rather than later.
2. LOVE
Acknowledge the love you need. There are 5 different love languages:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Receiving gifts
- Acts of service
- Physical touch
We all have one or two major love languages. What are yours? What are your partners? You need to communicate these and be completely transparent as to what is needed from the relationship.
3. BE LOVED
Create an action plan. Love is understanding how your partner feels love (see above), and then doing it. People often think that love is a feeling, and that once the feeling disappears – there is little hope for their relationship. Well it’s absolutely not true! Love is an action. When you choose to love your partner (even if they didn’t do anything to deserve it), you are showing them real love. Love, that is unconditional and that does not rely on them loving you first. If you view "love as a feeling," you will both be waiting and waiting - and you still won't "feel it."
Relationships are not easy, and they take work. But what you can do is learn from each other + know how each other love = you will be loved unconditionally. I guarantee following these three keys points will assist your relationship for the better!
Feel free to leave any comments below! Would love to hear your thoughts. <3