Over the last couple of weeks I have heard many references to "blue jobs" vs. "pink jobs." I was slightly taken aback to hear this... You see, I am a very traditional girl, living in a modern independent world, and didn't know this reference still existed.
A close friend of mine mentioned her and her boyfriend have broken up the chores to blue vs. pink jobs. They both work full-time and both have great paying jobs. She mentioned she covered the birthday cards and presents, event calendars, cleaning, and groceries. He fixes everything that breaks, shovels the drive way, mows the lawn and covers the majority of the combined bills. They both take turns making dinner. She is more than happy to become a stay at home mom and give up her career, cover the "pink jobs", and let him being the bread winner and continue to cover the "blue jobs."
Don't get me wrong, I am very traditional in the sense that I appreciate a man that will open the car door for me, walk on the outside of the road, and look at me like I am the only girl in the room. A man that I can see myself starting a life with, like, buying a home together, getting married (may or may not take his last name), going on endless random adventures, taking care of each other, having children, growing old together and taking turns holding each other's oxygen tanks. Yet, I am very independent. I love my alone time, being able to do my own thing, support my needs and my wants through my developing career, and I will always try to cover the "blue jobs," like figuring out how to change a tire, DIY at home projects, cut the lawn, etc.
But what does it all mean if I want to become a successful career woman, but still be an amazing mom? Do I have to choose? What are my beliefs?
In three previous relationships it seemed like I had to choose the "pink job" route. During discussions of where our relationship(s) was heading, it was made clear that a clean home, dinner on the table when he came home from work, taking care of the children indefinitely, is what all three men were looking for. When I pushed back on their vision just slightly I was told I was stubborn and/or difficult. (Un)fortunately those relationships did not last. At the time I thought it was something I did, you know, the typical "what's wrong with me?" But now I am happy to pass along some valuable information that can assist in your current or future relationships, so you/him/she get what you truly deserve.
Each relationship is unique and it is the duty of the individuals to define who is responsible for what soon in the relationship. When outlining the roles (and I don't just mean "pink vs. blue jobs") in your union, ask yourself, “What are the traditional gender roles I adhere to and how will they affect my relationship?”
1. Define your relationship ideology.
2. Determine who makes the decisions (finances, children, etc).
3. Establish a parenting style that you both agree on.
4. Who dominates the bedroom?
Remember, times are changing. What is most important is that you and your partner are connected and have similar beliefs regarding these roles. Instead of going against your beliefs, find a mate who is in agreement with you!